


Stand And Deliver (Not About Love)

by orphan_account



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: AND GAY, Alternate Universe - 1960s, Angry John, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Fluff and Angst, M/M, alternate universe john lennon said fuck u! give us gay rights!, another fic? wow ik, light fluff, paul is stubborn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 16:33:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18035180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "what is it you want?" John asked tilting his chin up. Paul took a drag before crawling closer to John. "You," John arched a brow and shook his head, "Say you have me, what you do then? Sell the experience to some tabloid?" John asked. He knows. Paul thought.  "what John you know I’d never!" "But you already have, haven’t ya Macca?" John urged. “You saw the interview-” "You're nothing more than a Jizzmonger, aren't you?" John asked tugging his trousers up.(listen I suck at summaries idk)





	Stand And Deliver (Not About Love)

**Author's Note:**

> All the good writers are dying in uni, aren't you glad you've got me?

"Looks like rain, huh babe?" Paul tried with a small, desperate smile. When no reply from John, Ringo filled the silence, "heard it was supposed to be a big one, flooding and all." he replied with a sympathetic smile. Paul looked over to John, Cold and distant hunched over his guitar as he strummed. 

 

An eternity passed within the span of a few minutes, but it as too much the thick uncomfortable air around the whole studio, The cold brick wall around John, The disappointed glazes from George, Brian, and everyone. The drumming, the disconnected strumming of all their guitars. 

Paul felt claustrophobic in the space nowhere to turn without being met with hurt, disappointment, disgust.

 

"Have ya heard Pet sounds yet? it's a pretty good record." Paul tried leaning over John's shoulder his chest press against John's back. "I like god only knows, lovely tune-" "Paul?" John cut off. "Yes?" he replied hopefully. "no one cares," John informed looking back at his guitar. " _ Oh _ . okay." came Paul's cracked, barely audible reply. 

 

John looked at George and started tossing ideas to each other as Paul sat uselessly and watched. He felt like he was naked in a zoo exhibit whenever he went out, unable to hide from the mistake he made. too open and public, now it's wretched stench followed him, down the pavement he saw papers, front covers, glances and Judgment pierced his skin as he walked.

 

Like barbed wire was wrapped around his neck. He supposed he deserved it. of course, he deserved it. 

 

Ringo headed out as did the rest quickly filing out before the storm got much worse, But John. Hidden in the washroom in an attempt to avoid Paul, all for not as the rain that had started flooding the streets forced John out of fiding. 

 

   Paul Looked out at the heavy rain pouring from the sky with a frown before a heavy coat was placed on his shoulders. "And They said chivalry is dead," Paul replied batting his eyelashes as a playful smirk dancing on his baby doll lips. John's expression remained deadpanned as pulled up the hood. "that's just how you treat a lady." John replied, making Paul hum before pulling his arms through the sleeves. John pulled up jumpers hood and sighed. John cursed as stepped out first into the cold water and opening his umbrella. Paul joined him at his side as they embarked on the perilous journey to the hotel three blocks away. 

 

There was hardly a soul out on the streets in such weather, the heavy flooding was a bit obsessive... even for England. John was protected by his wellies as they crossed but Paul, who standing on the curb staring at John was not.  "I'm in trainers John, I'll get all wet," he complained crossing his arms. John blinked at the man before coming closer to the curb. "Prat," he muttered handing off the umbrella to paul before picking up the man. "I feel like a bride," he muttered waving at the mother carrying her child across the street. Protecting the child from the rain with a newspaper, the title reading "Talking ‘bout boys; Paul admits the torrid affair with fellow Beatle" She arched her brow at the men, to which Paul rested his head on John's shoulder. 

 

    To say John was irate with the younger man was an understatement. The man had been grabby all day in the studio, a bothersome prat to say the least. "If you insist on calling me princess, I insist to be treated as such," Paul informed taking a drink of his cider. It was a new tactic the man tried on John after more than a week of tense civility. Maybe he was horny and figured he'd give up. John clenched his jaw as he carried all 71.2 kgs of his bandmate across the low shin-high water. Making it across the street Paul smiled sweetly, kissing John on the corner of his mouth. "Thank you, Sir John," John deadpanned before they continued to walk. "you look so sour, love," Paul teased poking the man's cheek. John spared the other man a sideways glance as they walked. 

 

Paul linked his arm around John's as they walked. "Do you reckon it'll be a long time?" Paul asked quietly. "till?" "I belong to you?" Paul clarified with a cheeky smirk.  "yeah." Paul flinched, turning away, but despite his effort, John didn't miss the glint in his eyes, the curl of his lips or the look on his face. The man wore his emotions in the open despite believing otherwise. 

 

   They walked side by side, the gap that was reasonable for anyone else seemed uneasy for the pair. Paul always littering teasing touches all over John's skin but dancing around it all, (John supposed it was his punishment, for not giving him what he wanted,) It was eery, two mates joined at the hips just last night waking up to be....tense. both holding back their anger and bitter-sharp words in favor of standing at a distance and ignoring it all, because they were John&Paul Never John.......&......Paul, it'd be forgotten soon. A sentiment that Paul desperately held onto despite both him and John knew this couldn't be swept under the sofa with John's antics and Paul's passive-aggressions. 

 

No, This wasn't something you could just  _ not  _ talk about, not with Paul resting his head on John as they made it across the street, not with him acting as though they were fine like they were a gay little queer couple. 

 

But they  _ weren't _ . John thought as a man sneered at the pair. "fucking fags," John glared at the American bloke ready to say something but Paul instead smiled and said, "Don't be Jealous love." John walked faster wading through water, the scornful glare of a 'pious' Christian burning John's back as he set Paul on the curb.  "stop provoking em, one of these days they'll make a statement," John warned looking behind his back jumpily while urging Paul to continued to walk faster. 

 

"So now you care for me?" He asked arching a brow. "I've always cared-" "just not enough to love me." Paul interjected shaking his head. "do we have to do this here?" John asked. "Yes. cuz when we get to the hotel you'll want to sleep or do anything instead of talking to me." 

"for good reasons, I don't have anything to say to you," John replied clipped.

  
  


_ John reached over and lit two smokes in his mouth before handing one off to Paul. The other man took the smoke with a tired smile before putting it between his lips. “I needa piss,”  Paul announced before walking off, leaving John to roam to the living room, finding Paul on the telly. John watched entranced by the man’s wicked word, “John Is…well he’s John difficult to love, he is.”  Robotically John walked back to the bedroom and started gathering his things _

_ "doing anything for valentine?" Paul asked walking in. John shrugged his naked shoulders before pulling his fag away. "Might go to a pub, get laid," he replied, to the irritation of the other man. "Oh?" Paul replied sourly his lips curling into his 'I've got the hump' look and John understood that Paul’s post-sex serenity would promptly be gone. “As it should,” he thought. _

 

"No ones around, John." Paul informed spinning around with his arm outstretched to illustrate his point. "you're just ashamed to be with me," Paul stated wistfully. "Stop making yourself the victim, I am ashamed," John replied watching the younger man.

 

"You want to have this talk here? in the storm soaked through our clothes? fine, let's," John sighed. "You're a right arsehole, And I wished you get it through your skull that we’re done." 

"I made a mistake! you've made some too! I just wanted you to stop pretending you don't feel something! anything! I'm not the only one!" Paul replied fire lighting up his eyes.

 

_  "Listen I don't know what you're expecting-" John feigned, taking a drag from his cig. "a bit of romance wouldn't kill ya, bastard." Paul grumbled.  "you said it from the start mate, this was just convenience, no romance needed." John reminded watching the other man from the corner of his eyes as he casually smoked. "I know but... now we're-" "nothing." John reminded sitting up. "for months after we started you'd say 'it meant nothing' You don't get to be pissy after you get what you want." John informed turning to the man. "what if it's not what I want anymore?" Paul almost whispered. John arched a brow and contorted his lips to blow smoke away from his friend.  _

 

   "So you're not the only one, what do you want to be done of it? you want me to drop to my knees and beg you to marry me? Oh, please, Macca, grace me with your love forevermore." John mocked. fluttering lashes and a swoon, Paul turned away and bit his lip. "I want you," Paul admitted reaching for John's hand. "Not bloody likely! I never for a moment think of doing what you did." John snapped smacking Paul's hand away before walking past the man. 

 

Paul followed the man across the street. "I'm sorry John! I'm a right prick you know this, I've got a fickle mind and a weak heart but it's yours..." "Even if you don't want it," He added quietly reaching out for the retreating figure of his friend. "Let’s go back to the way it was,” Paul decided frantically losing his footing and falling in the middle of the flooded street.

 

_ “Then I suppose you should find someone easier to love,” John replied staring at the other man.  "Come now what’s gotten you knotted then?" Paul asked furrowing his brows. "what is it you want?" John asked tilting his chin up. Paul took a drag before crawling closer to John. "You," John arched a brow and shook his head, "Say you have me, what you do then? Sell the experience to some tabloid?" John asked. He knows. Paul thought.  "what John you know I’d never!" "But you already have, haven’t ya Macca?" John urged. “You saw the interview-” John nodded jerkily before crushing his cigarette in the ashtray that rested on the bedside table. “Clever lad you are!” John spat. "Don't leave love, just tell me what you want to say," "You're nothing more than a Jizzmonger, aren't you?" John asked tugging his trousers up.  _

 

"John, wait, please Just stop a moment!" Paul called frantically trying to stand up. He looked up at the outstretched hand, to find John stand in front of him pulling him up by his arms. "I'm sorry, " he repeated quietly. "Let's just get to the hotel," John replied pulling Paul's hood up. 

   As they walked Paul got progressively colder The man shivering and shaking as he trailed behind John. "come on lad, pick up yer feet a bit will ya?" John called. "I'm trying, it hurts," He called, "get over it," John replied walking faster, forcing the man to speed up to match the other's quick stride.

 

When they arrived at the doors without so much as a word. Walking through the lobby like a puddle, They walked to their door and Paul dug around for the keys, not noticing that John had pulled them own, and started to unlock the door. "Come on, I'll order some tea,"

 

 Paul was worn down and wanted a warm bath and to be held but all he could do was weakly nod at the older man and trudge to his room after leaving his trainers and coat by the door.

 

_    Paul frowned at the other man before starting, "stop being sour and tell me what you want me to say." John paused, looking at his mate before opening his mouth. "tell me you didn’t do what I saw you do," John tested watching as Paul went red than white in a matter of seconds, sputtering like a fish out of water before John continued, "I don't want you to say anything but the truth, not some flowery love song, or poetry, if you want me then give me reasons to leave the world for you, Why should I forgive you? why should I care?" John instructed.  "It tears me the fuck apart to watch you with others, to see you give people the same smile you give me, I can't. I get so jealous-" Paul tried "then maybe we should end it here." John replied buttoning his shirt.  _

 

Paul's head throbbed painfully against his skull and spun as he followed John to the kitchen to John. "John," Paul called taking a breath. John jumped a bit before turning to look at him. hair sticking up all over and frizzed, his cheeks and nose red and his eyes half-lidded. "God Paul, scared the shite outta me, go dry off-" "I'm sorry." he continued as though John didn't speak.  "Just go have a dry-" "Please, don't shut me out." John knew that look, determined 'I'll rot in hell before I'm stopped' look and with a sigh, led the other man to his bedroom and shifted through the man's drawers producing a fresh set of warm clothes for the younger man. 

 

   Paul just stared blankly passed John. "God, do I needa dress ya too?" John asked tugging off the other man's sweater. "I'm sorry," "Just like a broken record, aren’t you?" John replied unbuttoning the soaked shirt. 

 

"I always had feelings for you, but you-you didn't even notice me, didn't want me until it was convenient, and I wanted to be more, " John arched his brow at the man but Paul didn't stop, digging his nails into his palms as John undressed him.

 

"I wanted to convince you I didn't want you I wanted to convince me, mostly by sayin' all those things, I was scared that you wouldn't want me if I told the truth, and it all went so fast, the hits, the touring, and when you came out publicly I thought maybe I could have a chance," John's face got progressively more unreadable as the other man spoke.

 

"But then you wanted to end it, I panicked, I was furious, I wanted... revenge, mostly I wanted to prove to you that... I don't even know," Tugging off Paul's soaked slacks before handing him pants to put on himself.

 

"I know I shouldn't have told the press, and I know I've been a right dick to you and you ended it, but surely You feel something, even small, I'd be okay with it, no matter how small so long as you'd take a chance, I'll be good I promise, you want reasons to leave beautiful men behind for me, but I have none." The poor man looked dreadfully green, his speech sped up and arms wrapped around himself, downtrodden and heartbroken.

 

"Feelings aren't enough, to keep it going," John offered tugging on Paul's jumper over the man's head. "I'm sorry Johnny,  I knew I shouldn't have said anything, It was a mistake and now I can't escape it," "I can't stand the disappointed looks, the whispers I wish I could take it all back." John arched his brows and looked up to McCartney, finding his face wet with tears.

 

Paul didn't cry. He was composed and upright always, no matter what, to see him crying over this broke a piece of John's heart. Even if he suspected the other of crying over the loss of his image than the loss of a lover. John felt sick for feeling like the younger man deserved it. Deserved everything he’s got.

 

"I wish- I was more, something better than what I am so maybe you'd want-" "Oh come off the unrequited lover shite, You know I wanted you. You knew how I felt and you used them against me! you went on national telly to tell the whole world what a bad lover I am! You painted yourself as a patron saint for sucking my dick. You decided you knew better and told the whole world about what we did." John interrupted with a glare. 

 

"We're done because if loving me is such a burden to you, _ Paulie, you know it's only right that I stop, _ You aren't a victim." "It's not, I was mad-" "shut up, you haven't shut up for weeks I can't take it." John interrupted. " I know loving me is a horrid job but you-you took it willingly." John looked so broken, and Paul's heart clutched at the sight.

 

"You think loving you is any easier? with your bossing, and controlling you need everything to be right where you put them for it to be yours. all the nagging and bitchy moods? you think that you never piss me off with all you are?" "I get it, I'm a hideous lover-" "No you don't, I never claimed to love you despite your flaws, you wouldn't be  _ you  _ without them, I fell in love with how much of a control freak you are just the same as I fell for how creative you are." Paul rubbed his tears away the heel of his palm. 

 

"I'm sorry," "It doesn't matter, it's over, done. Whoever you are I want nothing to do with," John admitted wetly. "We can work it out, it's not over, I'm still just me," Paul replied holding onto John's hands. "Please, let's try-" "I don't want to. It's done," Paul clenched his jaw bit his lip. "Then can this be our last night in love? can we just-" "I can hardly say your name, and you want a break-up shag? I went and opened up and all you've gotta say is "fuck me"? You're mad," John spat yanking his hands from the other tossing his sweats at his face and walking to the kitchen.

 

He left Paul to be swallowed whole by the hotel room. It felt like he was being dragged underneath the floorboards, dizzy and disoriented. He felt a slow, gradual tug pulling him in, dragging him under. Nothing, nothing, nothing. He felt nothing but too much at once. 

 

He padded barefoot towards the sofa. Finding John pouring two cups of tea. "Oughta be in bed," John called without looking up. "John," he croaked, desperate and low. "you'll catch yer death if you don't put on some trousers,"  he ignored. "John," a broken cry. "you haven't even dried your hair, I'm not taking care of you if you get sick," John warned. 

 

"John," his voice strained to rise at a normal octave, but the effort did catch John's attention. Looking up at Paul He sighed. "You look dreadful." Paul frowned and stumbled forward. "I'm hot," "It's seven degrees lad, there is no way you're hot," John replied setting down the teacups and walking over to Paul.

 

John stabled Paul with a hand on his shoulder, the other pressed against his forehead. "oh," John carefully led Paul to his bed. "do you have the chills?" John asked. Paul shook his head and watched the man shuffle through his suitcase coming back out with a thermometer. 

 

"be a good lad and open wide for me," John instructed, making the younger man arch a brow and smirk. "Doctor Lennon, it's been a while," Paul rasped.  "you look like death and you want to reminisce about sex? has your life been that dull?" John asked sticking the thermometer in the other man's mouth. Paul shrugged but smirked weakly at the other man nonetheless. “you still packed it.”

 

"I'll be back, don't move," John ordered as he walked away. He has no idea what to do. Paul thought with a sigh. 

 

John came back with a glass of water. "Let me see now," he muttered taking the thermometer from Paul's mouth and holding it up to the light. "Bloody hell mate, Yer nearly got a thirty-nine-degree fever," John informed handing the glass of water.

 

"Do you want the jumper off?" John asked cold fingers already curling around the edge of the bulky thing.  After chugging the water Paul stared at the man. "No." 

 

“I love you.” Paul rasped. "I'll be with George and Ritchie, get some sleep, I'll come in once every hour or so to see if you've died." “How kind,” Paul replied. "well, you know me," Paul shrunk into himself looking down. “How many times will I have to apologize?  _ one  _ mistake,” "you don't need to apologize." John replied turning on his heels and walking away. 

 

   Paul laid in bed staring at the ceiling. At least John wasn't leaving him to rot, even if only to save himself from prosecution. Civility was never something Paul experienced before with John, and now it all he ever got.  Now and days Paul was lucky to catch an ephemeral flash in John's eyes that reminded Paul of late night drunken adventures where John would glance at him with so much ardor when he thought Paul wouldn't notice. 

 

But stepping onto the stage on a talk show, from backstage Paul crossed a line, one that was instantly felt and shifted his world. Like sitting on the sofa he could feel John's eyes on him. His father's eyes on him. 

 

After the airing, his phone was ringing off the hook, his father screaming off his ear; "James Paul McCartney I did not raise you to turn queer! I knew That Lennon was no good!" To which Paul replied with a hum and bored nod. He got Calls from Ringo saying John was had gone out drinking with George and he was pretty bent about what Paul said.

 

At the time, Paul grinned, wanting him to get angry and set him right, rekindle something and have John claim him, do something, other than look at the man with a shrug before letting him go. But John Lennon never did anything the way one would expect, And when a day after John had been in Paul’s bed, He a taped box filled with things he'd left at John's house, small gifts he'd given John, the spare keys to his house and a note. 

 

'have it your way, then.' It read simply. It had sent a thrill down Paul's spine then, now it just made him want to scream. How was he so daft? 

He fell asleep after a while. Running through a fever dream that escaped to the edges of his memory when John came in to change the wet cloth.  He felt John move the cloth from his forehead to the side of his face and made a sound. maybe he could pretend none of it happened, and that John still loved him. 

 

"I know you're awake," John informed. "you get a crease right here-" He Paused to poke Paul's right eyebrow. "When you're thinking." John finished.

 

Paul opened his eyes to find John had a tray. Paul opened his mouth to say something but John silenced him by once again putting the thermometer in his mouth. 

 

"Did you have a bad dream? you were crying," John asked quietly "you kept calling your mom," he added finally looking at the man knowing he'd use a scratchy throat as an out instead of just talking to John. "was it a bad dream?" John asked gently all at once Paul was reminded of why He loved this man.  He shook his head softly looking at the man. "no? a premonition then?" John asked taking out the thermometer.

 

"Forty-one?" John read. "Are you cold?" John asked and once again, Paul shook his head. "I'll be back," John called walking out the room.

 

   He came back with a tray, two bowls filled with ice cream

 

There was an invitation, to mend the relationship offered with the white glass bowl. "Ice cream to treat a fever? yer mad." Paul informed taking a spoonful into his mouth. John smiled and took a spoonful of his own. 

 

A silence chilled the room the only sounds of their metal spoons scraping the glass. Maybe that was a good thing because all Paul could think about was how John finally coming around and them going back to normal.

 

Glancing at John Paul had the urge to tell him everything, to admit he was wrong, Drop to his knees and beg but he didn't he couldn't. He couldn't take the last blissful memory and ruin it. It was selfish, to be sure but he couldn't seem to pull himself out of the darkness he was surrounded by.

 

   "How you feelin?" John asked gently, as though afraid of breaking him.

"cold," Paul complained. John tensed at the nickname but said nothing, instead, he took Paul's finished ice cream and set it on his nightstand. Again taking Paul temperer. "Christ, you're burnin' up," 

 

Paul leaned into the other man's cool touch, closing his eyes and humming a soft response.  "let's wrap you up then?" Paul nodded softly as John Pulled the blankets up. 

 

Pulling away, John gave Paul two ibuprofen pills and a glass of water held the younger man up as he drank. John tucked Paul in and put the dishes on the tray once again. 

 

"sleep with me?" Paul whispered desperately, "sleep well." John replied stiffly before walking away.

 

Sleep claimed him soon after the door clicked softly closed. His dream distorted versions of the past two weeks. Every fear and insecurity twisted and poked at.

 

_ Paul walked into the studio with a light spirit, humming as he took off his blazer and hung it on the back of his chair. "morning, John." John gave a curt nod before continuing his talk with George. "I wrote a new song, I was wondering if you thought of it," Paul continued casually. _

 

_ "maybe someone else will listen, I'm busy." John brushed off, never so much as glancing at the other man. "too busy for me?" Paul asked. "Paul, you dunce John doesn't want to talk to you." George snapped rolling his eyes. "oh? what's got your bullocks knot, then?" John shared a hidden look with George before they got up and walked away.  _

 

_ "you should have talked to him, him and Geo got together." Ringo told. "they wouldn't!" Paul denied. "see for yourself," Ringo informed.  _

 

_ Suddenly they were in a bathroom stall, peaking over the top to see John and George near the sink. George sitting on the sink with John between his legs, John's hands roaming, and lips attached to George's neck.  "what yer gonna do 'bout Paul?" George asked. "called it off He Had his turn." "now it's mine," George informed locking his legs around John's hips.  _

_ "now it's yours." John agreed before kissing George sweetly on the lips. _

 

_ "Paul are you alright?" Ringo asked. "he wouldn't do that," Paul replied falling onto the cold tile floor. "he loves me," "Paul why would he? You told the world it was a chore-" "I didn't mean it! I just wanted him to admit we were more! I didn't want this,"  Paul screamed tears running down his cheeks. "you should have told me." John says opening the stall, his arm around George. "don't leave!" "He doesn't want you, Paul we've been together for years, You were Just a distraction," George revealed.  _

 

_ "You love me! You said you Loved me!  You promised!" Paul screamed fists beating John's chest. "I guess we both lied, then." John replied "we want you out of the band, Paul, we all think it's for the best," George admitted. "no! it's not true! John tell me-" "It's true." John replied before Kissing George once again before walking away. "you can't just leave! you promised you'd stay! you said-" "Paul It isn't real," John called. "I love you It's real! don't leave me, please," Paul begged.  _

 

"Paul, wake up," John called shaking the man lightly.  Paul opened his eyes only for his vision to be blurred by his tears. "You're alright, it okay-" Paul wrapped his arms around the other man shaking as he cried into his shoulder. 

 

"You're okay, it's alright it was just a nightmare," John lulled, rubbing small circles on the man's back. The sounds of Paul hyperventilating and choked sobs filled the room as John got on the bed Pulling away from the man, "Paul, Mate you need to calm down, can you breathe for me?" John asked his thumbs brushing Paul's cheekbones steadying the man in front of him.

"I-I you- pro" "Paul I can't understand you, deep breaths you're safe," John took a deep breath to demonstrate. 

 

It was no use as Paul stumbled out of bed stumbling to the bathroom John following close behind. Holding his hair back and rubbing circles on his back as He vomited into the toilet. Harsh wretched sobs coming from the younger man. John flinched but gathered more of Paul's sweat-matted hair.

 

"It's okay, you're okay-" Paul glared at John opening his mouth only to turn his head once again to the bowl. "okay fine, You're a bleedin' mess." John muttered tieing Paul's Hair back and raising to feet. "don't leave me." Paul begged. "I'll be right back, I Just need to answer the door," "don't leave me," he repeated. "Paul it’s just a nightmare,"

 

"I'll come with you-" Paul decided raising to his feet. John sighed and wrapped his arm around Paul's waist supporting the man's weight as they slowly walked to the door. "You're so stubborn," John muttered. 

 

When they got to the Paul could hear the soft crooning love song playing on the radio a familiar toon Paul couldn’t quite place but John hummed along too with a look of love and pain.

 

John set Paul on the sofa. John pulled in the cart of food. "Would you like some soup?" John asked. "You look pale, Paul you need to eat."  “Don't leave me." "I'm right here, stop begging." John replied, walking over to the man. "please don't leave me for George." Paul whispered Pulling John onto his lap. "George? yer really are delusional, huh?" John asked pressing the back of his hand to Paul's fevered forehead.

 

"you promised to stay," Paul muttered Kissing John's neck. "don't do that! you just puked-" "you said you loved me," "is that what your nightmare was about?" John asked carefully, stroking the other man's head. "you kicked me out of the band," "Said I meant nothing," "you could never mean nothing, you know that Paul." John reasoned. 

 

"you hate me," "I don't." "you won't look at me like you used to," "neither do you," "I'll tell you everything, Please just don't leave me," Paul offered. 

 

"Paul, I already left-" "no you're leaving, I- I was jealous, bitter, desperate to keep you from losing interest. I thought you'd come prove I was yours, but you gave up, why did you Give up?" "Please calm down," John tried, moving away from The other man. "don't kick me out of the band-" "Paul you can stay in the band, no one's taking it from you," John held Paul's wrists and tried to pry the man off of him. 

 

"It was a mistake, Everything You're the best thing I got, I'm so sorry Please-" John grabbed hold of Paul's face, brushing away the tears with his thumbs. "Paul, look at me, breathe. Shut up and breathe," John instructed. Paul raised shaking hands to hold onto John's hips. "I'm sorry, sorry sorry-" "Paul Listen it's okay, don't work yourself up, it was just a dream." 

 

Paul buried his face in John's chest, letting the sound of John's heart calm him down, as John played with his hair after taking it down. "You're okay," John promised. "I love you," Paul whispered, kissing the center of John's chest. "I'll always Love you." Paul added  "I've been seeing somebody else for a while now, we became official after we split," John confirmed. "so leave them," John swallowed and looked down before taking Paul's hand in his. "I'm not going to," 

 

"when did it start?" "a few months," John admitted. Paul clenched his teeth. "why wasn't I enough?" Paul snapped pushing John's chest. "you never said anything. Paul, we both never wanted to admit there was something more. You made it clear that You didn't want anything more, don't blame me when someone else did," tears ran down Paul's cheek, snot running down his lips as he looked at John with the wet puppy-dog eyes.

 

"is it George?" "Why George?" "You were with him in my dream," John turned his head to hide his smile, letting out a stifled laugh. "It's not," “is it serious?" "I like him a lot," Paul omitted, nodding jerkily before wiping his nose with his sleeve. "I understand, I'm happy for you, really. I hope it turns out," he lied. "you'll find someone too, you'll forget all about me," John promised. "Is that what happened for you?" Paul asked. Did you forget me? He omitted.

 

"never... I just...moved on, I guess," "I think I'll be going back to bed now." the insult to it all was Paul was too weak to get to the bed without help, needing to be tucked in like a schoolboy. 

 

   When John came in again to refill Paul's glass of water, Paul didn't bother to pretend to be asleep, His eyes red and puffy and his pillow damp. "I need to take your temperature," "Give me some ibuprofen and let me sleep," Paul grumbled. John did just that before leaving Paul alone in the dark room.

 

Dead gaze as he stared down at one of his books. Seeing the string of words but not connecting them as such or forming a sentence. He wondered how mad Paul be if he'd just left him. No, John couldn't do that to the man, he couldn't even walk let alone take care of himself in this state (though it's his own fault,) John couldn't be so cruel. 

 

Jumping to his feet John turned on the radio, drowning out the soft cries behind the wall and lit a cigarette, leaning against the bulky thing he nodded his head. John lit a cigarette and turned on the radio to drown out the soft cries coming from the end of the room. He cringed at the onslaught of angry songs directed at him sure to come. Melodramatic and dripped in McCartney magic that seemed to make the hardest songs and make them sweet with a smile. 

 

Dully, he wondered if he made the right choice, in lying to Paul. In not taking Paul in his arms and admitting the lie. In the end, it seemed to John, that it'll always be Paul.  If it was always Paul was he wasting time? Or was it only Paul because John himself gave him that power. 

 

The power to be all-consuming. John vaguely wondered if he gave Paul consent to enter his veins when he kissed him, or maybe before when he first shook his hand. He took a drag with a sigh. Will throwing himself at someone to move away from Paul be worth it? Is hurting the man only to come back really worth the trouble? 

 

It was easy to look at Paul when he's angry and say "I don't want you anymore." but when the anger melts? Will it be the same?  He crushed his cigarette in the ashtray before walking to Paul's bed, finding him asleep, tears still on his face. What was his plan? Go in waking up the sick lad and promising it was okay, that he'll call it off and be with him? Looking at the pale form before him he felt dumb for such an impulse. 

 

Instead, he walked over and took the rag from Paul's forehead and went to dampen it again under the tap in the bathroom. He sat in the space next to Paul's hip as he pressed the rag to the other man's cheek. wiping away the tear tracks. John leaned down and pressed a small kiss to the man's hairline before placing the rag on his fevered skin and walking away.

 

   The days that followed were hell. filled with fever dreams, cranky Paul, who'd refused any help and insisted on listening to sad songs only as he moped, Yelling at John for every misstep leaving John tired and frustrated, running off to George to get high or drunk at the bar, write songs or blow off steam in between the concerts and press conferences they had to do. Paul, being plagued with question demanding he elaborate on his infamous interview, Questions asking for John’s response, in which He shrugged and replied, “well, Paul’s my best mate, If he says I’m an unlovable cruel monster then that’s all there is.”

 

To say Paul was tired by now was an understatement. "If he doesn't love me, what will I do?" "You'll carry on feigning normalcy until you find some," Ringo replied honestly. Paul would not feign anything, that's what got him here, no He'd be more direct, open. Never one to open himself up completely, that's just what he'd do for John, and then they'd be okay.

 

**_They'd be okay. They’d be okay. Tell me we’ll be okay._ **

 

   Taking a breath after adjusting his hair in the mirror he quietly padded to the living room where John was sleeping on the sofa. John had been slipping out every chance he got, leaving Ringo to babysit him. Paul couldn't take it. 

 

Carefully climbing onto the sofa, straddling his hips  Paul kissed John's neck softly. "Paul," John grumbled, eyes still closed. "Baby," Paul replied. "Get off me," John instructed. "We have the whole room to ourselves and you're still on this? John, you've done worse and I've forgiven you." Paul tried. 

 

"stop being such a child, Paul I always knew what I've done wrong," John replied. "I know what I've done," Paul argued. "right, and you don't see anything wrong with what you're doing?" "I haven't had a lay in weeks, John you know how I am," "right, the hotel is full of birds and blokes ready and willing," "I don't want anyone else." "such a shame, I want anyone else," John fired back. 

 

"Don't say that You don't mean it," John finally opened his eyes and groaned upon seeing Paul naked. "Christ, you have no mercy." John muttered. "never was one to like it, Johnny," Paul replied cheerfully. John drug his hand down his face and took a deep breath. 

 

"please stop," John begged resolve shaking. "If that's really what you want," Paul whispered nipping at his ear. "can he do that thing I know you like?" Paul asked. "he can learn, You're not as irreplaceable as you think," John replied. Paul hummed and nipped at his neck. "I'm irreplaceable," Paul argued. 

 

"maybe that's a good thing, I'm starting to think it's a very good thing, Paul." John admitted with a frown. "and what is that supposed to mean?"  "I don't think we should have started-" Paul sat back sitting straight up he looked intimidating, despite sitting on John's lap and his puppy-dog eyes. "you regret it? over  _ one  _ mistake? You've fucked up countless times and I still love you, I still wouldn't trade our time for anything, and you regret it?" Paul asked. "no, I don't. I just think we handled something precious...carelessly." "Paul, I love you, more than anyone, it's you, always you," Paul smiled slightly before John continued.

 

"but You didn't just make one mistake, You gotta know what you've done? Everyone knows Paul," "It's been weeks John-" "and it's still in the papers if they haven't gotten over it why should I? You can't even admit what you've done, your part, you just...see me not wanting you," John frowned and looked at the man. "you can't even be bothered to really see me, and it hurts Paul," John swallowed and held onto Paul's hips.  

 

"It hurts that you don't even see it, You still don't even know you won't say what you've done, you won't look at me and admit that you're so self-centered, greedy, and vain. If this is who you've become I don't want what I used to," John admitted tears beginning to well up in his eyes before he pushed Paul off of him and stood up. "so forgive me for not fucking you as much as you'd like after-" His voice cracked and he wiped his tear hastily with his sleeve before rushing out the door. 

 

Paul should go to him. hold him in his arms and beg for forgiveness. he should drop to his knees, he should do something other than sitting naked on the sofa completely dumbfounded like a shy kid on the first day of school lingering on the edge of the playground waiting for someone to notice them. 

 

Paul sat on the couch reaching over for John's pack of cigarettes and lighting one up before raising to his feet, turning on the record and humming to it softly. dully dancing around the room before lying on the floor. 

 

   John knocked on the door George opening it not a second later. 

"welcome back mate, what he do this time?" John groaned and melted onto the sofa. "he wanted to shag," John informed taking a fag from Ringo and leaning into the man's light. "and?" "we started fightin' he started saying the same shite about him being sooo forgiving like I ever did anything like this,"  John complained letting the smoke escape from his lips.

 

"Sometimes I wished I'd just pull another bloke that night, y'know? Just avoid all of it," "Paul woulda killed you himself if you passed him up again," "It woulda been easier than him scaring me half to death! I thought he was a fan." George laughed and sighed. 

 

"come on John, He's trying it hard for him." Ringo tried. "seems ta me like he's tryin' harder to ignore the issue than trying to fix it," John replied with a shrug. "he's tryin' pretty hard to fuck, randy bastard," George muttered.  "he thinks we're fuckin' geo can you believe it? the daft lad asking me how long we've been in love," John said with an amused grin. “are you telling me that we aren't? What am I supposed to do with the rings then?" George replied with a grin.

 

"course not, my dear, we don't want him to know that though, do we?" "course not, He's right scary when he's mad." George agreed with a nod. "If Paul could hear you now, you'd both be dead." John shared a glance at George who shrugged in response. "might as well earn it, right?" He asked climbing onto the bed with George smiling mischievously 

 

"you've both gone mad, I'm going to check on Paul," "you do that, he's a right drama queen," John replied not looking away from George.

 

   Paul wrote a song for John once upon a time that still fit. He sang along lazily to the lyrics. "should you need a love that's true, It's me." he snorted moving his head side to side as he drug out 'me' Ringo watched him perform his own personal concert before crouching down next to him. 

 

"Paul?" "...yeah?" "you okay?" "yeah." "Paul?" "yeah?" "why are you like this?" Ringo asked "John said I was a selfish bastard," "you are," Paul furrowed his brows and glared up at Ringo. "Ringo?" Paul asked taking a drag from his cigarette. "yeah?" "why is John angry with me?" "You won't admit you did something, It's not just that you did it. It's that you did it then didn't have the balls to follow through." Ringo explained. 

 

"He could have said something too-" "If you were in his place would you?" Paul took a drag and sighed. "How am I supposed to make it up to him?" "I don't know, I think you've outta actually talk about it with him." Paul bit his lip. "what if he doesn't like what I've got to say? What if after I show him he uses it against me?" Ringo shrugged. "then you move on, either he rejects you now, or you continue what you're doing and he keeps rejecting you." "Gee, thank you really know how to cheer a guy up." "You're being quite melodramatic, you know I don't think even John can cheer you up." 

 

Paul groaned and rose to his feet and shimmed on a pair of briefs and crushed his cigarette before he marched out the door. "Paul get back here! if the press gets hold of this-" "let em!" Paul replied Ringo rushed to meet Paul's stride, unlocking the door for him.

 

   The room smelt heavily of weed, clouded with smoke a song playing on the radio, And John with his head on George's lap smiling  at him with a look Paul thought was reserved for only him, George rambling on about something Paul couldn't hear, one hand going through John's hair the other waving twirling animatedly. 

 

"please stop." Paul whispered. "please don't do this." He continued. Ringo cleared his throat and stared at George. "I think I oughta leave you two alone," George muttered handing John the joint. Muttering something to John before walking past Paul and Ringo. John's smile fell when he saw Paul. "don't give me that look," John called, Ringo taking it as his que to run.

 

"really John? George? you said you liked your men with more meat." Paul spat. "I do. An intimate moment doesn’t mean anything more, does it? what do you want?" "I came to apologize," Paul admitted. "what am I supposed to do with that?" "can we just talk?" "I'd rather fuck," John muttered.

 

"John I know you're mad at me and you have every right, I've hurt you-"  "Paul fucks off I don't want this you don't even know why you're apologizing I'm not yer wife." "you could be." John blinked before laughing.  "Christ, you think you're smooth?" John asked "I'm trying, I'm scared," Paul admitted twisting his fingers together. John sighed but motioned for the man to continue, taking a hit of the joint. 

 

"I'm no good with words John if it's not disguised as a song I'm a stumbling fool," Paul admitted. "I've got a song for you," John arched his brow and let the smoke spill from his lips. "fine, McCartney I'll give, but this is it." Paul grinned nervously and pulled John by the arm to their hotel room. 

 

   Paul shakily put the record on taking John's hand in his and resting the other hand on his hip, he pulled John towards the center of the room. 

 

He swayed softly to the song, humming softly to the song before sing along raspily. "just listen to my plea Please don't stop loving me" He could see John's resolve melting as time went on, So, leaning into the other man's ear he sang softly.  "begging on bended knee Please don't stop loving me" Pulling away to twirl John under his arm.

 

John chuckled but played along before being pulled back. "if I should die before I wake I'll come back for you That's no mistake,"  Paul sang to John as the man closed his eyes. "oh, I'll love you forever Can't forget you ever," 

 

   They both saw it as a desperate plea, A moment of peace, a chance at love. John, afraid to take hold of the hand that bit him kept a deadpanned mask on his face, though Paul saw through the cracks. 

 

_ Yeah, They’ll be okay.  _

 

"our love was meant to be Please don't stop loving me," Paul's voice gave out but nevertheless He didn't care, not when John looked at him like he had in the beginning. Not when He held Paul's hip and when his bare legs rubbing against blue jeans.  

 

"I'll love you forever Can't forget you ever," John continued softly stroking the skin of Paul's hip. "our love was meant to be Please don't stop loving me,"  John finished resting his forehead against Paul's. 

 

"you smell like weed." he whispered," "you smell like cinnamon," John replied. "I Love you," "I love you too," 

 

John sat them down on the sofa before sighing."I don't know what I'm Going to do with you," John admitted running his hand through the younger man's hair. "If you weren't happy with not being public or official, You could've told me, you should've told me instead of the world," John informed. "I want it to be just me, no one else." Paul admitted. "well I know that now, don’t I? you git," John informed tugging the man's hair gently. 

 

Paul smiled and wrapped his arms around John. "you've gotta talk to me, stop bottling this up, If you can't do that then-" "I'll do better." Paul promised. "do you know why I broke up with you?" "I was a git?" "and?" John asked. Tugging his hair.  "I lied to you repeatedly then used the fact you believed me to paint you as a horrid lover." "and you'll?" "never do it again and be honest with you." "and you're?" "a bloody idiot that's really sorry." 

 

“And you?" "Love you?" A tug "Adore you?" Paul corrected. John smiled and kissed Paul's neck. "You're so stupid," he admitted. "killer bedroom talk babe," Paul replied tiling his neck." you're still in trouble," John reassured. "I'll make it up to you," Paul promised. 

 

"you better Mr. McCartney, this is serious now." "I know, I know," "I woulda serenaded you a long time ago if I knew you'd be my proper boyfriend," Paul admitted. John hummed against Paul's neck and smiled. 

 

Paul switched the positions and was once again straddling the man. "what about George?" He asked. "George?" John repeated, "yes, You've just started dating George what about him?" "I lied, though you'd get off my dick if you thought I was with someone." John shrugged, Holding onto the younger man's hips. 

 

"so you and George?" John leaned up and kissed Paul. "it's only you," 

"only me," Paul breathed. "I love you," "I love you too," "yer the wife though," John informed. "and why is that?" "you act like a princess," Paul sighed and let an affected smile play on his lips "only if you're my happily ever after," "Always," John promised with a kiss. 

 

   Paul acted as though it was the first time holding John, kissing slowly practiced like he had something to prove. arching and moving like he was putting on a private show, proving his worth or proving his love, it blended together with Paul, Like he was afraid you wouldn't reciprocate them unless he proved he had worth. Like leasing a puppy that was pulling all it's tricks to be kept.

 

John couldn't decide on what he could do to comfort the man. Paul was a physical person (as was John, if he was being honest Paul’s touch felt like harsh pinprick touches before they made up, now a warm tingling lay in his wake,) shying away from his touch was saying you hated him, outright rejecting him after he pried himself open? they'll be feeling the aftershocks for months after. 

 

"John, love why so serious?" Paul asked kissing his neck.  John gripped Paul's hips, stilling them before switched it. 

 

And at once an act of one proving their worth became an act of proving their love. Paul wouldn't complain, gripping uselessly at the sofa cushions.

   Paul laid on his stomach a lazy smile dancing on his lips kissing softly at John's collarbones as he smoked. "I love you," John glanced at Paul and wrapped his arm around the man kissing the top of his head softly. "I don't regret anything, You could give me a million different lives and in everyone, I'd pick you." Paul smiled and chuckled. 

 

"I'd pick Elvis in at least one," he replied. "good point, if I had a chance with 'im I'd pick him too," "yeah? so I guess you'd only pick me a million minus one times, then? not a very dedicated boyfriend if you ask me," Paul teased eyebrows raised high a smirk playing on his lips. "hey! I've only been your boyfriend today!" "but..." he drew out with a mischievous smile. "since we're countin' I'd go for James Dean," John admitted. 

 

Paul nodded before making a 'fair enough' gesture with his hands. "he's too..." "perfect?" John supplied "manicured, doesn't feel like a real person," "some could say the same 'bout you." John reminded making Paul scrunch his nose and pull a face. "Not in the least!" "of course, what was I thinkin'?" John asked cheerfully. 

..............................................

   Paul fixed his tie for the fifteenth time before nervously undoing it again. "what are we going to do about the press?" He asked glancing nervously at John who was finishing shaving. "With your look? baby just stun 'em with your beauty like always." John replied drying his face. "I'm serious." "and I'm not?" "John really bein' out and being out and with someone is different," John walked over to the man and fixing his tie with a smile. 

 

"we've got each other, don't we? You hold my hand and I'll hold yours if one of us lose our footing the other will pull us back down," John explained crisply. 

 

"and what happens if we both lose our footing?" Paul asked running his hand through his hair,  “then...one of our mate's will help, It'll be okay, yeah? nothing we can't handle," John promised taking the other man's face in his hands before kissing him chastely.  Paul melted into the man's touch, holding the man's wrist. "what if someone decides to take matters into their own hands?" John thought for a moment before kissing Paul's forehead. 

 

"then we'll find each other again the next time around," "John..." "Paul, I don't know, we won't know. There's always that threat, but it's never stopped us before, we're tough blokes, you protect me and I'll protect you like it's always been." Paul took a breath and nodded. "Like it's always been," Paul repeated pulling away to put on his blazer. 

 

Meeting up with the rest George smiled softly at the pair, not missing the slightly possessive grip Paul had on John's arm. "ready, darling?" John whispered into Paul's ear.  A stern nod and a carefully crafted mask to confirm they walked out to the flutter of lights, mics shoved in their faces as the new couple walked out as one.


End file.
